To the row of heaths! Faster driver faster, yah, yah! Or well yes, you can just sit there in sullen silence. It is 6:30am after all, can't really blame you, there are many other things I would like to be doing on a Sunday morning too.
They have Miniature costa coffee machines here now! This is smile making. Robista make me some of your finest crap-in-a-cup and don't spare the caramel syrups.
I feel this is something that warrants dissemination, so sneakily text it to one my friends as were about to take off. Apparently she already knows, and they have them there too. Damn, I thought this one was kind of special. I guess it'd be more of a discovery to find a Pret robista, then there'd be the coffee taste without the several kilos of sugar and crappy flavourings, maybe it could even dispense almond croissants. mmmmm.
Uneventful flight - "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" was fairly decent as mixed genre vampire staking fests go.
Hello JFK i've never travelled through you before, I wonder if your CBP officers will be nicer than Atlanta's who questioned me for about an hour and then reduced by VWP length from three months to one.
Yey you are, though you know I used to have a girlfriend in California that's kind of scary.
Me: "So you really do record all that stuff?"
CBP: *knowing smile*
CBP: "So what are you doing for this company?"
Me: "Well sort of setting up a Dynamic DNS RADIUS driven cell service"
CBP: *blank stare*
Me: "Well you know how companies have equipment they put out in the field"
CBP: "Uhuh"
Me: "Well every time this equipment connects to the cell network, it updates something that lets other customers find it"
CBP: "Um... ok.."
Me: "I'm just looking at what equipment they have"
CBP: "But you're just looking right? You'll do the work back home"
Me: "Of course *big smile*"
CBP: "Ok you're fine"
This is a relief given the shenanigans with CBP that have occurred before.I imagine it's the same coming through the British version, only with more sarcasm, incredulity, and passive aggressivity.
I think the only pleasant mmigration experience i've ever had was in LA coming back from Costa Rica, where the CBP guy told me as long as I wasn't coming in to blow anything up then I was good to go, little did they know... hehehe.
Hello JFK! *walk walk walk*, Ooo train-in-the-sky, *walk walk walk*, Oooooooooo Harley shop buy buy buy. Ooooooooooooooooooo Sushi! Can haz California roles, Tempura roles and a giant Asahi plz? Nom nom nom, *walk stumble walk*. Oooooo train-in-the-sky *ride ride ride* Ooooo train-in-the-sky *ride back the other way*.
I will skip the details of the server inventorying. It was sort of frustrating, but I did get a job offer for when they open up a UK DC with something around a six figure salary. The person offering wasn't even drunk, we'd even worked together for a week! Good times !
Bye bye Atlanta, GA *wave wave* hello Puertorico! bye bye Puertorico, hello absolutely gorgeous inflight scenery, with little forrested uninhabited islands, and torquizey bluey mmm water. I think the flight from Puetorico to St Thomes is one of the prettiest standard commercial jet flights, despite only lasting 15 minutes... goodbye pretty scenery... oh crap were all going to die, a jet of this size should not be skimming that close to the top of the water, pull up, pull up!
Ahhh there's runway now *sigh of relief*.
Bye bye Jetblue jet, hello... Amber! Fancy seeing you here, on this island, in the middle of the Carribean, with amazing sunsets, surrounded by salty bathwater...
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Frolicking in France
So... the previous series of blogposts is like never to be finished. Pole. There are several reasons for this, but they're not entirely happy so I won't go on about them here. Melinda was also meant to write a bunch, but she never did, so lets shift the blame onto her, but she was being awesome and doing other things so never mind.
So whats happened between then and now?
Well I returned to France, but was extremely poor and could barely afford food, let alone French lessons, and then the French lessons I found were way too advanced, and, so, yes, my French is still only good enough to order beer and pizza.
Over the next few months I skipped between Grenoble and the UK, attempting to restore Pouncy Mc Fast (Large UK based cruiser bike) to its former travel evicerating glory. This was extremely frustrating, and i'm pretty sure nearly cost me employment multiple times, but thanks to an understanding employer didn't (yey!).
I also met a really awesome girl called Ceallai, who was kind enough to teach me colourful French words and expounded on the joys of being able to swear across multiple languages. She was also all round a very nice person, and made the being stuck in Grenoble thing much more pleasant. Or would have if I hadn't of left about six weeks after meeting her to go back to the UK for what turned out to be two months, to finish off the bike.
Finally did the extremely long and arduous journey from UK to Italy pouncy style. Fixed a tractor, helped reroof a barn and did the extremely long and arduous journey back to the UK. In between the coming and the going there was much zooming along perilous mountain passes, which I have to say, pouncy handled like a veritable mountain goat, given its size and nature. Oh and for those would be continental travellers, those signs on the autoroute are not advertising Free WiFi. Fortunately the long tradition of the French thinking it too much hassle to chase up those english bastards who treat their roads like race tracks still applied, and as of two months later, am still ticketless (despite setting a pouncy speed record of 118 mph).
8 months summed up in four paragraphs, yep, thats about how exciting it was. I hated working in France*, or at least I hated working with that particular team in France. It was an entirely demotivating and depressing experience. The French can do some things well, programming and technology is not one of them (unless you happen to work at Free).
There was also the business with the alcoholic landlord calling the police on house mates, and everyone leaving at the same time to spite him *sigh*. Still owes me 500 euros (grumble). Could have really used an Ambikins** at that point, but she was living it up in the USVI (which incidentally will probably be the subject of the next blog post).
Upon return I started a 3 month contract at BSkyB, which should hopefully fund future travels. Signed up for a couple more Open University courses, and started a Swahili class.
More recently there was camping in the new forrest, where many poneys were petted, despite the signs warning against it.
* Or more commuting to France to work in a French office
** Still she gets my heartfelt thanks for leaving that box of chocolatey marshmellow things. Definitely helped push back the dark thoughts.
So whats happened between then and now?
Well I returned to France, but was extremely poor and could barely afford food, let alone French lessons, and then the French lessons I found were way too advanced, and, so, yes, my French is still only good enough to order beer and pizza.
Over the next few months I skipped between Grenoble and the UK, attempting to restore Pouncy Mc Fast (Large UK based cruiser bike) to its former travel evicerating glory. This was extremely frustrating, and i'm pretty sure nearly cost me employment multiple times, but thanks to an understanding employer didn't (yey!).
I also met a really awesome girl called Ceallai, who was kind enough to teach me colourful French words and expounded on the joys of being able to swear across multiple languages. She was also all round a very nice person, and made the being stuck in Grenoble thing much more pleasant. Or would have if I hadn't of left about six weeks after meeting her to go back to the UK for what turned out to be two months, to finish off the bike.
Finally did the extremely long and arduous journey from UK to Italy pouncy style. Fixed a tractor, helped reroof a barn and did the extremely long and arduous journey back to the UK. In between the coming and the going there was much zooming along perilous mountain passes, which I have to say, pouncy handled like a veritable mountain goat, given its size and nature. Oh and for those would be continental travellers, those signs on the autoroute are not advertising Free WiFi. Fortunately the long tradition of the French thinking it too much hassle to chase up those english bastards who treat their roads like race tracks still applied, and as of two months later, am still ticketless (despite setting a pouncy speed record of 118 mph).
8 months summed up in four paragraphs, yep, thats about how exciting it was. I hated working in France*, or at least I hated working with that particular team in France. It was an entirely demotivating and depressing experience. The French can do some things well, programming and technology is not one of them (unless you happen to work at Free).
There was also the business with the alcoholic landlord calling the police on house mates, and everyone leaving at the same time to spite him *sigh*. Still owes me 500 euros (grumble). Could have really used an Ambikins** at that point, but she was living it up in the USVI (which incidentally will probably be the subject of the next blog post).
Upon return I started a 3 month contract at BSkyB, which should hopefully fund future travels. Signed up for a couple more Open University courses, and started a Swahili class.
More recently there was camping in the new forrest, where many poneys were petted, despite the signs warning against it.
* Or more commuting to France to work in a French office
** Still she gets my heartfelt thanks for leaving that box of chocolatey marshmellow things. Definitely helped push back the dark thoughts.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Dossing in Dar
Useful information for UK nationals coming into Dar Es Salaam international airport
As i'd read in a couple of places they have started doing single entry (only) visas at Dar airport. They're $50 for UK nationals (and they like it if you pay cash, as in greenbacks), do not believe the airline if they say you do not need a visa (Turkish airlines said I didn't).
The visas themselves are up to American/British standards, full page in the passport and holographic twigas everywhere. Don't think you can forge one ;)
If you plan to go to Kenya and come back, you will need one of the fancy double entry visas from the UK embassy/consulate, and they will cost more.
Regarding yellow-fever vaccinations, you don't need one if you're not from an endemic country. The little nursey type person tried to insist that I did, but if you insist back that you don't you'll be fine.
Warning: She seemed to think that if you'd spent more than 12 hours in an endemic country then that meant you needed a vaccination. I hadn't spent more than 12 hours in Nairobi so I was fine, but depending on your conscience you might want to fudge the truth a little if you got stuck somewhere.
You will be set upon by taxi drivers as soon as you leave the airport. You should not pay more than 15,000TSH.
And on with the story...
The flight from Nairobi to Dar Es Salaam was uneventful.
-- Text stream with Melinda --
> Getting off plain!!!!
> Plane even!!!
< Fuck. I'm stick in traffic :-(
> It's ok still visaing!!!
> Have visa and bag but where's Melinda ?!?!?!
> Fuck me, please come save from rabid taxi drivers
< Hey! I'm on my way- think i'm almost there. Traffic was ridiculous- So sorry! Just hang out inside somewhere cool and away from them for just a little bit more. And yey about the bag!
> No! That's the worst thing to do. Every time I go away and come back they've forgotten me:( Any idea how long?
> Poke!
Melinda is quite easy to spot from afar. She's quite short, but what she lacks in height she makes up for in presence. The big slightly goofy smile helped this time too, and I saw her all the way across the car park.
*big hugs*
We talked and walked with taxi people calling out after us, first it was 25,000 then 15,000 and eventually Melinda talked this little old guy into driving us back to our hostel (Econo Lodge) for the low low price of 7,000, which was insane.
We loaded up all the bags into the trunk and set off into Dar.
Traffic was indeed pretty crazy. Not just the amount but the variety. Everything and everyone from big industrial sized trucks to guys pulling these ox cart things made from old car / motorcycle / wheels and old scaffolding polls.
Upon arriving we went up to the room. The air conditioning is worth it if you have the option, of course Melinda, living in TZ for several months had gotten used to the stifling heat, and had opted out. If you have not had time to adjust DO NOT DO THE SAME. The shower provides some relief but its only temporary and then you're back out in the crazy heat of the Dar day.
We unpacked and I presented many gifts from far away lands, including a couple of kilos worth of Maltesers, a bottle of Zubrowka, some nice french wine, and a bunch of other random, virtually impossible (if you're in Tanzania) to get things.
Obligatory snuggling followed.
When it finally cooled off we ventured out and found this awesome Indian place. I can't remember what it was called (maybe Melinda will), but you just turn right out of econo lodge, turn right again and keep on walking, its attached to a big hotel thing, you can't miss it. They do the best buttered chicken ever, mmmm.
As i'd read in a couple of places they have started doing single entry (only) visas at Dar airport. They're $50 for UK nationals (and they like it if you pay cash, as in greenbacks), do not believe the airline if they say you do not need a visa (Turkish airlines said I didn't).
The visas themselves are up to American/British standards, full page in the passport and holographic twigas everywhere. Don't think you can forge one ;)
If you plan to go to Kenya and come back, you will need one of the fancy double entry visas from the UK embassy/consulate, and they will cost more.
Regarding yellow-fever vaccinations, you don't need one if you're not from an endemic country. The little nursey type person tried to insist that I did, but if you insist back that you don't you'll be fine.
Warning: She seemed to think that if you'd spent more than 12 hours in an endemic country then that meant you needed a vaccination. I hadn't spent more than 12 hours in Nairobi so I was fine, but depending on your conscience you might want to fudge the truth a little if you got stuck somewhere.
You will be set upon by taxi drivers as soon as you leave the airport. You should not pay more than 15,000TSH.
And on with the story...
The flight from Nairobi to Dar Es Salaam was uneventful.
-- Text stream with Melinda --
> Getting off plain!!!!
> Plane even!!!
< Fuck. I'm stick in traffic :-(
> It's ok still visaing!!!
> Have visa and bag but where's Melinda ?!?!?!
> Fuck me, please come save from rabid taxi drivers
< Hey! I'm on my way- think i'm almost there. Traffic was ridiculous- So sorry! Just hang out inside somewhere cool and away from them for just a little bit more. And yey about the bag!
> No! That's the worst thing to do. Every time I go away and come back they've forgotten me:( Any idea how long?
> Poke!
Melinda is quite easy to spot from afar. She's quite short, but what she lacks in height she makes up for in presence. The big slightly goofy smile helped this time too, and I saw her all the way across the car park.
*big hugs*
We talked and walked with taxi people calling out after us, first it was 25,000 then 15,000 and eventually Melinda talked this little old guy into driving us back to our hostel (Econo Lodge) for the low low price of 7,000, which was insane.
We loaded up all the bags into the trunk and set off into Dar.
Traffic was indeed pretty crazy. Not just the amount but the variety. Everything and everyone from big industrial sized trucks to guys pulling these ox cart things made from old car / motorcycle / wheels and old scaffolding polls.
Upon arriving we went up to the room. The air conditioning is worth it if you have the option, of course Melinda, living in TZ for several months had gotten used to the stifling heat, and had opted out. If you have not had time to adjust DO NOT DO THE SAME. The shower provides some relief but its only temporary and then you're back out in the crazy heat of the Dar day.
We unpacked and I presented many gifts from far away lands, including a couple of kilos worth of Maltesers, a bottle of Zubrowka, some nice french wine, and a bunch of other random, virtually impossible (if you're in Tanzania) to get things.
Obligatory snuggling followed.
When it finally cooled off we ventured out and found this awesome Indian place. I can't remember what it was called (maybe Melinda will), but you just turn right out of econo lodge, turn right again and keep on walking, its attached to a big hotel thing, you can't miss it. They do the best buttered chicken ever, mmmm.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Never fly Turkish airlines
Never fly turkish airlines. I believe that is the major take home message from this bout of international travel.
One week before my 10/12/2011 departure date, I get a call saying that there had been a schedule change and I would have to pay a 50 euro rebooking fee or they could refund me the cost of the tickets.
"Fuck... I wish I'd taken that refund" was the phrase that kept circulating round and round my looped internal monologue as I did circuits of the departure area in Nairobi airport, at 3:25am the morning of 11/12/2011.
"Hey, I'm going to Dar Es Salaam, do I get off here?"
"Hmm... They printed the ticket wrong, wait in this room here"
-- 10 Minutes later --
"I'm going to Dar Es Salaam, could you tell me which plane should I be on?"
*security person looks confused* "Let me ask"
*radio chatter*, 'That one" *points to plane taxying away from gate*
"But that's the plane I just came in on?!"
*runs to Turkish Airlines person* "The ticket checker said I had to wait in the departure lounge, and my plane is taxying away from the gate, i'm going to Dar Es Salaam!"
"Why did you get off the plane?!"
"The ticket person said to get off the plane!"
"It's too late, the plane has gone... Why did you get off the plane?!"
"THE TICKET PERSON SAID TO GET OFF THE PLANE!"
"I'm sorry there's nothing I can do, you're on your own"
"But?!"
"Wait here until morning and buy another ticket with Kenya Airways"
"But?!"
"I have to go now... Goodnight..."
"Hey Melinda, looks like you don't have to come out to Dar airport tonight..."
"What why?!"
"..."
"Well be careful getting a taxi Nairobi is hella sketchy"
"I wasn't really planning on leaving the airport..."
-- Three hours later --
It's weird what sleep deprivation and international travel do to you. I'm usually pretty calm and rational, but this was really weird and a little scary. You don't really expect to be left at some random airport in Sub Saharan Africa... I mean, airlines are organised right? All the scanning and tagging...
To make matters worse, my checked luggage had continued on its merry journey without me, and aside from the usual clothes and shaving stuff, it also contained tasty things, like Maltesers, Red Wine, Candles and good Vodka.
I imagined some random Tanzanian dude opening up the bag and surveying all this tasty westernness; nibbling the Maltesers, laughing at the candles and boxes of matches with cute furry animals on, sipping the Vodka "Mmm safi sana!", and then the look of surprise and confusion as he pulled out the panties and saw there were nne holes instead of tatu, then the look of mirth and incredulity as he realised what hole number nne was for...
People were looking at me strangely. "Who is this strange mzungu, why does his expression keep switching from one of extreme fear and insecurity, to one of smiling and mzunguness?"...
Ah, but now the Kenya airways helpdesk was open, maybe I could escape this strange smelling land with no air conditioning...
-- One hour later --
"Hello I need a ticket to Dar Es Salaam, Turkish airlines left me here last night."
*wide eyes* "I am very sorry to hear that, let me see what I can do, please, wait over there and I will come and get you. There is another girl there who need to get to Dar as well."
"Hello random stranger, care to bond over being fucked over by airlines"
"...Ok!"
-- 20 Minutes later --
"Yes I need to get to Dar so I can fly to Mumbai in time for work next week!"
"Wow?!, well here's my number, if you're ever in Grenoble and need a place to stay..."
"Ok we have tickets! They are $180 each, and you need to pay cash"
This was my first experience of doing something semi beaurocratic in Africa. In the West getting $180 dollars at an airport would be no problem, you go find one of those triple currency ATMs, key in your pin, hit $, 180 and press enter.
*Hmm ATM only dispenses Kenyan shillings*
"Hello i'd like to convert enough sterling for $180 please, here's my debit card"
"We don't accept card, you need to use the ATM?"
"But you're a money changer?! How can you not accept debit cards, are there any other money changers here that accept cards?"
"No"
Incredulous I checked, they were correct.
"How much is $180 in Kenyan Shillings"
*Some ridiculous amount somewhere in the millions*
"Ok!"
"Oooo Barclays ATM, I know you! You're happy and friendly and wont send my card number to random african credit card fraud people"
"Please insert card"
*Inserts card*
"Please wait..."
-- 10 Minutes later --
"Please wait..."
-- 2 Minutes later --
"Please key in your pin number"
*Keys in pin number* *Nothing changes on screen*
*Begins pressing cancel button in panicked frenzy*
- 5 Minutes later --
*Press all the buttons!*
"Transaction timed out... Please take your card"
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...
*looks around* "WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ATM?"
"Please work this time, please! I'll take the money out in $50 increments so you can change insane transaction fees?! Go onnnn, you know how you love doing that."
"Stupid mzungu I was just messing with you, go ahead and take your money"
"Make crazy money into dollars?"
*Dollars*
"Make dollars into ticket?"
*Ticket*
"Ticket let on plane?"
*Gets on plane*
"Yey!"
Will Arran be able to get a tourist visa? Will random Tanzanians have made off with the tasty snacks? will Melinda even show up at the airport?!
All this and more in tomorrows (or whenever I have the time and inclination to write part mbili) entry...
One week before my 10/12/2011 departure date, I get a call saying that there had been a schedule change and I would have to pay a 50 euro rebooking fee or they could refund me the cost of the tickets.
"Fuck... I wish I'd taken that refund" was the phrase that kept circulating round and round my looped internal monologue as I did circuits of the departure area in Nairobi airport, at 3:25am the morning of 11/12/2011.
"Hey, I'm going to Dar Es Salaam, do I get off here?"
"Hmm... They printed the ticket wrong, wait in this room here"
-- 10 Minutes later --
"I'm going to Dar Es Salaam, could you tell me which plane should I be on?"
*security person looks confused* "Let me ask"
*radio chatter*, 'That one" *points to plane taxying away from gate*
"But that's the plane I just came in on?!"
*runs to Turkish Airlines person* "The ticket checker said I had to wait in the departure lounge, and my plane is taxying away from the gate, i'm going to Dar Es Salaam!"
"Why did you get off the plane?!"
"The ticket person said to get off the plane!"
"It's too late, the plane has gone... Why did you get off the plane?!"
"THE TICKET PERSON SAID TO GET OFF THE PLANE!"
"I'm sorry there's nothing I can do, you're on your own"
"But?!"
"Wait here until morning and buy another ticket with Kenya Airways"
"But?!"
"I have to go now... Goodnight..."
"Hey Melinda, looks like you don't have to come out to Dar airport tonight..."
"What why?!"
"..."
"Well be careful getting a taxi Nairobi is hella sketchy"
"I wasn't really planning on leaving the airport..."
-- Three hours later --
It's weird what sleep deprivation and international travel do to you. I'm usually pretty calm and rational, but this was really weird and a little scary. You don't really expect to be left at some random airport in Sub Saharan Africa... I mean, airlines are organised right? All the scanning and tagging...
To make matters worse, my checked luggage had continued on its merry journey without me, and aside from the usual clothes and shaving stuff, it also contained tasty things, like Maltesers, Red Wine, Candles and good Vodka.
I imagined some random Tanzanian dude opening up the bag and surveying all this tasty westernness; nibbling the Maltesers, laughing at the candles and boxes of matches with cute furry animals on, sipping the Vodka "Mmm safi sana!", and then the look of surprise and confusion as he pulled out the panties and saw there were nne holes instead of tatu, then the look of mirth and incredulity as he realised what hole number nne was for...
People were looking at me strangely. "Who is this strange mzungu, why does his expression keep switching from one of extreme fear and insecurity, to one of smiling and mzunguness?"...
Ah, but now the Kenya airways helpdesk was open, maybe I could escape this strange smelling land with no air conditioning...
-- One hour later --
"Hello I need a ticket to Dar Es Salaam, Turkish airlines left me here last night."
*wide eyes* "I am very sorry to hear that, let me see what I can do, please, wait over there and I will come and get you. There is another girl there who need to get to Dar as well."
"Hello random stranger, care to bond over being fucked over by airlines"
"...Ok!"
-- 20 Minutes later --
"Yes I need to get to Dar so I can fly to Mumbai in time for work next week!"
"Wow?!, well here's my number, if you're ever in Grenoble and need a place to stay..."
"Ok we have tickets! They are $180 each, and you need to pay cash"
This was my first experience of doing something semi beaurocratic in Africa. In the West getting $180 dollars at an airport would be no problem, you go find one of those triple currency ATMs, key in your pin, hit $, 180 and press enter.
*Hmm ATM only dispenses Kenyan shillings*
"Hello i'd like to convert enough sterling for $180 please, here's my debit card"
"We don't accept card, you need to use the ATM?"
"But you're a money changer?! How can you not accept debit cards, are there any other money changers here that accept cards?"
"No"
Incredulous I checked, they were correct.
"How much is $180 in Kenyan Shillings"
*Some ridiculous amount somewhere in the millions*
"Ok!"
"Oooo Barclays ATM, I know you! You're happy and friendly and wont send my card number to random african credit card fraud people"
"Please insert card"
*Inserts card*
"Please wait..."
-- 10 Minutes later --
"Please wait..."
-- 2 Minutes later --
"Please key in your pin number"
*Keys in pin number* *Nothing changes on screen*
*Begins pressing cancel button in panicked frenzy*
- 5 Minutes later --
*Press all the buttons!*
"Transaction timed out... Please take your card"
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...
*looks around* "WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ATM?"
"Please work this time, please! I'll take the money out in $50 increments so you can change insane transaction fees?! Go onnnn, you know how you love doing that."
"Stupid mzungu I was just messing with you, go ahead and take your money"
"Make crazy money into dollars?"
*Dollars*
"Make dollars into ticket?"
*Ticket*
"Ticket let on plane?"
*Gets on plane*
"Yey!"
Will Arran be able to get a tourist visa? Will random Tanzanians have made off with the tasty snacks? will Melinda even show up at the airport?!
All this and more in tomorrows (or whenever I have the time and inclination to write part mbili) entry...
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